incongruence

2006-12-25T18:10:00.000+08:00

Stop acting like you're so fucking great, when in fact you aren't at all.
The one-word replies, they fucking piss the shit out of me.
I've had enough of your bloody attitude.

Yeah, I'm talking about you.

2006-12-11T23:07:00.000+08:00

Omfg, who the fuck went bunk with him? I didn't even meet him again after that night la ok. He was the one who asked me to bunk, but i said no. He was the one who msged me that he was at my void deck and wanted to meet, but I said no. So in what way am I "always like that"? Fucking hell, if you think meeting him is a betrayal to the friendship, then I'm telling you I never met him even once only till the meeting and that was it. I did ask him to unblock me on msn and talked to him on maple but that was to find out more details. And NO, I'm not afraid of letting him know I was involved although you may think otherwise since I didn't admit it to him when he asked. It's the way he told me how you said I took the all mesos and items when they're not even in my account.

And what's with you saying I am the one who's throwing away the friendship. Who the fuck stopped contacting me and blocked on me on msn in the first place? Who the hell fucking asked me to fuck off, not once but twice now in your blog? So you think I don't wanna find out what's really going on? There just doesn't seem to be any feasible way.

2006-12-11T22:20:00.000+08:00

Ok you know what, just forget about the long paragraphs I typed in the previous entry. Forget about everything. I'm all prepared to chuck this damned friendship aside. There just comes a point in time where you're so fucking sick of everything. In any way, it's not like I'd ever get to know the truth.

So let me see, first up, I'm thrown the cold shoulder and was angry at for talking to your boyfriend. Then I'm called a "fucking bitch" and you claimed that I fucking betrayed you for meeting up with Marcus to listen to his account of the story. Then, I was blocked on MSN for whatever reasons I really cannot fathom. Now, I hear from Marcus that you're implicating me for the maple thing. True enough, I did help in the transfer of mesos but damn I never took the fucking mesos or items alright? It's all transferred to your account, go have a look if you don't believe. And the thing is, the fucking mesos disappeared the day after the meeting took place. If you're humane enough, you should fucking hell know I didn't take those stuff. Then again, you're probably too unbothered.

If you've nothing to hide, you wouldn't react the way you do now. At least I don't think I would. Then again, do I even know you?

2006-12-09T17:50:00.000+08:00

So, I haven't touched this blog for ages, which is in fact a good thing since the main purpose I revamped it for was to write down things that I hoped someone would see. And in later findings, I realised that the person did view this blog afterall.

I didn't mean for history to repeat itself. Who'd have known, it's been so long. Till now, I'm really puzzled why you fussed over the phone conversation T and I had. 6 years of friendship as quoted from you, and you still doubt my sexual preferences? You asked why I didn't call you the day I decided to meet M. Well, let me ask you. Would you actually initiate calls/msgs to someone who refused to reply despite apologies made? I don't cos I didn't think I did anything wrong and was indignant. Besides, isn't it rather absurd to get so furious over such a small matter?

The meeting for me, was to seek the truth yet you cried betrayal. How else would I be able to understand the situation without seeking him out? One keeps denying, while the other says something else. If you were me, I'm quite sure you would do the same just to hear both parties out. I have to clarify something; the meeting was the first time I ever really spoken to him ever since all those shit happened.

You said you couldn't believe I would rather trust M's words over the 6 years we had. If the words be true, I find it really incredulous that you would lie to me over the same 6 years. It's not a matter of whose words I'm taking in. I just choose to believe in the evidence. The phone messages, they were really shocking. It made me wonder if the G that I know is really you, or have I been calling a stranger my bestfriend for so long? I saw them with my own eyes and truly, the contents spoke of your messaging style. If they are fabricated as what you claim, how do you explain the photos then? And what about the friendster message? I saw that way before the conference, and I saw it again for the second time on the night of conference. How do you explain why it's missing now, and why is that you claim you have never seen that very message before?

Well I don't know all these words would ever be delivered to you, but I hope that someday you would chance upon this.

All I'm seeking is the truth, is that so hard to ask for?
Where do we go now, what do we do?

2006-10-07T00:37:00.000+08:00

The haze reminds me:
Of my future, how I can't seem to make out what's ahead;
Of honesty, how hard it is to differentiate them from lies;
Of friends, how true their friendships really are;
Of myself, how I may not be what I'm perceived to be.

2006-10-01T01:15:00.000+08:00

I could be as optimistic and always looking at perspectives on the brighter side;
I could be as liberal-minded and be accepting towards everything;
I could write in prose and not stances like this;
I could simply go to bed and dismiss all my thoughts.

Life's all about choices, and I seemed to have found affinity with negativity.

When everything seems to have fallen apart and nothing seems absolute, just who can you fall back on? Everyone, even those whom you think are your closest, appears to be on facades. Lies have become truths, and sometimes you'd rather believe in fallacies.

You begin to wonder if you have become a fake yourself.

2006-08-29T23:45:00.000+08:00

Altruism, what it is I do not know, for not you nor myself possess that very quality. Finger-pointing, name-callings, neither wish to shoulder the blame.

Rendered speechless, I have only one regret.

2006-08-27T13:29:00.000+08:00

The older you get, the more you realise that beliefs you once had were but naviety and wishful thinking on your part.

Sometimes, reclusion and feigned ignorance seem to be the best option.

2006-08-14T02:29:00.000+08:00

Whoever said good things never seem to last?
He is so damn right.

I hate changes.

2006-08-14T02:25:00.000+08:00

Some personality test

You are feeling exhausted, worn out, drained. You feel that far too much is being asked of you but you still want to overcome these difficulties and establish yourself despite the effect such an effort seems to have on you. You are a proud person, assertive most of the time, but at this particular moment you are acting as if you have become resigned to the situation. What you need is some tender loving care - a gentle pat on the head (or maybe a 'kick-up-the backside') and then you'll be raring to go.

Which ever way you turn you feel that you are being utterly thwarted. There is considerable conflict in the air but you will stick to your beliefs and not be deterred in endeavouring to attain your objectives.

Although you are, deep down, a very caring person, you are very particular in the choice of friends and indeed very demanding at times. You can be most quarrelsome and controversial and it is because of this argumentative trait you can at times explode into open conflict - conflict with even those you may care for and love. It is because of this inherent argumentative streak in you that may have resulted in broken hopes and dreams.

All of your stress arises from lack of mutual understanding. The existing situation is unsatisfactory and you feel that you are unable to improve it without the help and co-operation of others. The need for understanding and for affectionate 'give and take' remains unsatisfied. You are experiencing the feeling of being 'handcuffed' - 'tied down' - 'hindered' - 'restrained' and this untenable situation is giving rise to impatience, irritability and the desire to escape from it all.

You are being very dogmatic, insisting that there is to be absolutely no equivocation whatsoever about your achievements and accomplishments.